At some point when I was a child, it became apparent that I was a bit different from the other kids. Namely, I couldn’t hear the things they heard.
This was somewhat expected, my mother being hearing impaired. I stepped into this life with the genetic code that dialed me down a notch or so when it came to sound. A childhood of constant ear infections only increased the damage.
At around 10 years, I was fitted with my first hearing aid; a single behemoth hanging off the back of my right ear. Not good for a kid in a school going though desegregation in a southern Virginia town.
It was a primitive device, but it was pretty amazing to me, even though I despised it. It was a simple amplification device, nothing more. It was expensive and delicate and a general pain for a kid to wear, but it was important to my folks, so I wore it. getting fitted for it was sort of fun; I got to sit in a soundproof booth and take a hearing test. I decided that this was a space capsule. It was dark, silent, enclosed; cut off from the world with just a single window out onto a control center manned by the audiologist.
I went through various combinations of hearing aids; right or left, power up or down.
Teenage years came and went, and so did the hearing aids. The sound was just too much. Straight volume; everything way too loud, with no discrimination. What’s the good of hearing everything and not being able to sort it all out.
I’d had enough of them. I was tired of them. To a young man, they were an albatross of social stigma.
At around 26, I decided to give them another shot. Cosmetically, they had improved. They had been able to miniaturize the thing so it would fit sort of inside the ear. They were better than they had been, but were far more delicate. Mere sweat could fry these poor creatures. And they did.
Twenty years later, I took yet another chance. My parents and The Lady were worried that the world was passing me by. It was, in so many ways. I missed so much. Conversations in groups were mysteries wherein I was too embarrassed to confess my ignorance. Instead, I would learn tone, and follow the flow of the conversation. When people would laugh, then so would I. But I rarely heard the punchline.
So, another set of hearing aids. But this time, there was a marked improvement; the sound quality was far better, and there was a switchable program for two different environments. This was more like it. The aids were fickle, more expensive than ever and over the long term, very troublesome. But I stuck with them. I had to. I had reached over the threshold of being 50% hearing impaired. I was now dependent on those hearing aids just to get through the day and to earn a living.
Sounds were still mostly just amplified and just loud. But that was better than the alternative. So, I kept on keeping on, missing the world around me. Missing so much.
Recently, I became clear that it was time to get new hearing aids. The ones I got 5 years ago were giving up the ghost, and it was great trepidation that I went to the audiologist.
Once again, I sat in my space capsule.
The test was about what I expected; continued deterioration across the spectrum of around 5 dB. Ah, well. I’m used to it by now.
I had decided to get the finest aid available for my needs, and was ready to shell out the bucks for it. I didn’t get my hopes up. After all, there was a lifetime of bittersweet memory ready to pursue me.
But then, something different happened.
In the last five years, the technology went sort of nuts.
The audiologist took the results of my test and input them into a program on her Dell laptop and dialed up the brands and models of aids that would apply to me.
Oh. Behind the ear. Damn, I thought. Come full circle, have I? Then the nice lady showed me what she had in mind.
The thing was an inch long and little over a quarter inch thick, with a very thin tube encasing a wire that attached to a transmitter in the form of flexible silicone earbud. No more ear molds.
She told me it was fully digital. Huh?
How long will they take to get ready, I asked.
Oh, we can do that right now. I do everything right here in the office. On this computer.
I asked how. She said, well, let’s just do it, ok? That’s the best way to show you.
She took out two aids, prepped them and popped them in my ears. At this point, The Lady was there watching.
She plugged the hearing aids into the laptop through a miniature data port in each device. I was hooked into her computer, with various clicks and snippets of sound breaking though the silence, as she set the programs for the various channels with which this device would service me.
Then she looked at me and said, hold on.
In my left ear, a sound like a starship engine cranking up blasted into my world, repeated in my right a moment later. Then silence. Then a little digital melody best described as a light variation on the Intel theme.
And then humming.
And I asked, what’s that?
She smiled, and looked at The Lady. Say something, she said.
The Lady gave me a little look and said, Hey sweetie. And she started reading from a poster in the office.
I almost started crying.
I’d never heard her before. Not like this. Not this way. Not to the point of being almost normal. Her voice was pure sparkling clarity and oh so sweet.
I turned to the audiologist who said, the humming is the light fixtures overhead. I looked up and it occurred to me that the world was opening up in waves around me within this tiny office. I could hear the secretary a room away on the phone and the printer printing and a phone ringing behind me, and I knew right were it was.
It was overwhelming. I was like a child in a sonic candy store, grasping this way and that; lurching after sounds. Sounds that I could never have imagined in my wildest dream.
Sounds the rest of the world takes for granted.
That was 2 days ago. This morning, I picked up the aids after the requisite transfer of funds was completed. Essentially the cost of 3 very powerful laptops sit nearly invisible on and behind my ears, replicating the power of those very computers, analyzing sound to a degree that will continue to bogle my mind.
I have an automatic default setting that screens out sounds that are not of use to me if I don’t need to pay attention. I went to work this morning with them, and as I walked along the kitchen’s hot line, the sound of the hood fans faded out as I walked to the cook to ask him what his specials were today. I could actually talk to him on the line without the hoods drowning out the conversation.
On my way home, I was trying out the “music” channel on the car radio; switching back and forth between stations. A Spanish waltz here, new alternative there and Roger Daltrey wailing out on Who Are You to depths and highs I never knew existed.
I think for the first time, I really understand where Bill is coming from on the concept of singularity. In the mere passage of days, my life has blasted into another dimension; one where insects buzz, cats purr softly and tree frogs sound like an apocalypse of joy and sensation. Where a pair of devices smaller than the first joint of my pinkie whispers to me the leaves of trees in a summer evening breeze as I walk across the street to Domaine Mojo.
The future is hear.
UPDATE:
Ok. Lots of you are asking about the aids themselves in the comments, both here and on my blog, as well as through email. BTW, my email is chefmojo-at-earthlink.net. Feel free to drop me a line, and I’ll try to answer any specific questions you might have. In the meantime, however, I think I should try to anticipate some of those questions.
Keeping in mind, that this is reflective of my experience and your mileage may vary…
The hearing aids I have are Phonak microPower.
They are not inexpensive, but to me, they’re worth every penny. They also have a future. What I’m trying to say is that because they are digital and programmable, I can take them in every now and then to get them tweaked, according to what my hearing is doing and the specific needs I have for them. Also, there are no controls on the aids themselves. Volume and channel control come via a nifty little remote control that goes on my keychain. I chose to go with a non earmold style with silicone “earbuds.” I find them far more comfortable than the molds. One’s ear canal, like other parts of the body, changes constantly, and the silicone is snug but flexible to bodily changes.
And while I’m at it, I’d like to send a big shout out to Marian Fredner at Albemarle Audiology for guiding me through this. She was up front, honest and professional as all get out. Completely informative. No slight of hand and no pressure tactics. How refreshing to interact with someone like that.
It’s been a helluva ride…
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Chef, that is totally awesome. My equivalent epiphany happened to me when I got contact lenses. My hearing’s always been A-OK, but I am -6 dioptres in my right eye. I got contact lenses in 1991 and since then my life was altered almost beyond belief. To put it crudely, the rate at which I got laid increased five-fold! I bought my first real pair of sunglasses fifteen minutes out of the optician’s, and I’ve been able to wear dark glasses ever since.
Glad to hear (NPI) about this terrific development for you Chef.
Moore’s law rocks. I’m really glad for you chef.
As we pass the knee of the curve of the Singularity and the line begins to curve toward the vertical, the world will become more and more magical.
The Chef saw more progress in five years than the preceding fifty - or five hundred. Five more years will put those aids beneath his skin as tiny implants at one tenth, or one one-hundredth, the cost, give him fully normal hearing, and make him a true cyborg.
In fifteen years, we’ll just grow him new ears.
Great story; thanks for sharing it.
My ‘awaking’ was cataract surgery. I have been fighting the visual loss thing since I was 14. Had the cataracts since I was 30 but never bad enough that they could do the operation properly (something about lens hardness…). Long story short, I was operated on 5 years ago and have not looked back. The glasses I wear now are sunglasses for the glare. What a relief.
Anybody who knows StarTrek knows the evil Borg. The writers portrayed a society where computerization was turned grotesque. I don’t think they understood that their Borg character may represent the evolution of mankind but in a more enlightened mood I suspect all the senses will be enhanced in the future for the improvement of the life experience.
Chef, welcome to the Borg collective. Me, I have my eyes on a interocular implant that might give me eyesight like an eagle. I am happy for you, and thanks for sharing!
Excellent story, Chef. I remember when my grandfather had cataracts removed 30+ years ago. They simply took out the lens in both eyes, necessitating eyeglasses thick enough to view anthills on Mars. Flash back two years ago: my mother had the exact same procedure, only this time they fitted her with new lenses in her eyes instead of simply removing them..
My mother’s eyes went bad at an early age. Her eyesight is now better than it has been in more than 60 years. She can finally experience colors and images the way that they really are. Your experience reminded me of how joyful the whole experience was for her. Congratulations on finally being able to hear. And as Bill says, you might just get brand new ears in a few years.
I make a pretty good living right now. My current income would have made me wealthy back in the 1950s. And I wouldn’t go back in time for anything. More possibilities appear every single day.
I’ll be 46 in August. I’ve had to wear glasses since the fourth grade.
June 1 of this year I had bladeless (bladeless, meaning the laser is used to make the corneal flap, rather than the microkeratome, or surgical-grade deli slicer) LASIK.
It’s fantastic. I still have about a quarter-diopter in each eye, but I test 20/20. I wear reading glasses for small type, but don’t really need them otherwise.
Wonderful story, Chef. Enjoy the Sounds.
I don’t comment often, but your post moved me. It mirrors almost exactly my experience nearly 10 years ago when I got my first pair of digital hearing aids. Not fully digital, but close enough. I got them late one afternoon, and in the morning when I walked my dog I heard the mockingbirds singing for the first time in YEARS. I started crying right there in the middle of the sidewalk, it sounded so sweet. I hadn’t heard them in so long that I’d almost forgotten that mockingbirds were supposed to sing.
Soooo…good on ya, and welcome to the world! There’s some amazing things going on out there and I think things are only going to get better for us people with some sort of sensory loss. I’m so thrilled with modern hearing technology that I proselytize about aids to everyone I meet with hearing loss…now I have a URL to give them, too! :-)
I have the plexiglass lenses in my eyes, after cataract surgery. I’m eagerly awaiting the implantable hearing aids - having the molds in my ears gives me inside-out claustrophobia.
Outstanding.
When my godson was six years old, he was diagnosed with a hearing disorder and, astoundingly, was found to be deaf. He could hide his deafness because he had learned to lipread in four languages. A doctor inserted tubes, drained his clogged ears, then on another visit, removed the cotton wads from his ears.
His first words, like yours, were, “What’s that?” No one knew what he meant, the room was stone silent to them. “That noise. There it is again — and again.”
When they finally all stopped talking (selfishly happy as they were), the ‘noise’ the boy heard was the ticking of the clock in the next room. It was all new to him. That was 12 years ago and your story is as profound to me now as his was then.
Beautiful. Congratulations.
Reminds me of when I was 8 and got glasses for the first time (turns out I was bump-into-doors-grade nearsighted and nobody had noticed). Suddenly I could SEE leaves on trees! And read signs! Amazing!
If you don’t mind telling, what system did you get? My dad is 93, has had hearing loss for at least 30 years, and last upgraded his aids about 8 years ago. I think we need to make a trip to the doctor’s.
I almost cried reading your story.
Though not deaf myself, I worked with deaf people in college, and I know how cut off some of them can be.
When my high school sign language teacher (a hearing man) told me he’d rather be blind than deaf, I didn’t believe him. After working with more than 100 deaf youth over the course of three years, I came to understand what he meant.
Deafness can be so isolating for some, especially those in-betweeners who are neither profoundly deaf (and live in the well-adjusted world of ASL) nor are they mildly and “correctibly” deaf [if I can make up a word…].
Working as a counselor over a couple dozen deaf teenagers doing trail work in one of the national parks two summers in a row, both summers we had to evacuate (read: evict) a ‘tweener for violent inappropriate behavior. They just couldn’t communicate effectively with anyone, they didn’t fit in. The deaf-as-a-post ASL kids were in their own world and perfectly well adjusted, and able to cross the divide when they needed to. And the mildly deaf kids had little trouble communicating with other hearing people.
Hopefully with this new digital technology, there won’t be any more ‘tweeners.
Congratulations. I’d love to check in later to see if and how your appreciation of music & talk radio & books on tape & life in general is changing.
Old Grouch:
Feel free to email me, and I’ll give you the specifics. I’m not sure what Bill’s policy is as far as me promoting a certain brand, so I’ll leave it to you to get in touch.
That’s great, Mojo!
Hmmm. Maybe it’s time for me to try another round at this kind of thing. I hear sound better than most persons — at some frequencies the equipment can’t make a sound soft enough that I can’t hear it — but I can’t understand words over background noise: Only a smear of vowels comes through. The last time I looked into it was in college, more than twenty years ago, and there was basically nothing that could be done.
Holy crap.
I just got home from the Club, and I saw that I had lots of comments on this post. Lots of comments from people not regularly commenting here.
Bill emailed to confirm that I had an Instanlanche on my hands.
Thank you all for visiting, and thank you all so much for your kind words and indulging me as I discover something new. It’s been an amazing 48 hours, and it just keeps getting better.
A little while ago, a new sound. One of our cats has a strange “double purr.” I’ve felt it before when holding her, and I’ve sort of heard it. But this evening, over my left shoulder on the couch, I heard this strange rumbling sound. I looked over and there was Java, purring away and looking at me. The Lady smiled. She really likes this.
Some sounds have been, frankly, quite startling. The click of small machinery within the ice maker at work. The faint whoosh of air when I open the reach-in fridge. The sound of my finger on paper as I turn the page of a book.
I keep asking, “What the hell was that?”
And voices. I never knew voices could sound so complex. So - dare I say? - nuanced. My friends and co-workers are a little startled at my reaction, which consists of constantly moving my head around and grinning for no apparent reason.
I mean, how the hell would you feel if you had been listening to Layla since Derek and the Dominos first released it, only to realize that you hadn’t really heard it at all.
Wow.
Congratulations! Have you had any gains in spatial awareness? There are probably a few movies worth seeing again in full surround sound.. I’d start with _Apollo 13_ and _Return of the King_ ;)
I envy you. I’d love to be able to run through my personal top 1000 and hear them - really hear them - for the first time.
Although I hope that hearing Bob Dylan’s voice in its full, awful glory doesn’t turn you off from him forever.
Chef. I too am curious about the details of your appliances — can I get ‘copied’ as to which ones you have? Right now, I have two broken VA-issued (read primitive) aids, that I haven’t seen the need to replace. I went to the VA and got a pair when I moved to Texas because I couldn’t hear all these soft-spoken (really!) Texans in a conference room. After I got the aids, all I could hear was the fan in the projector. A guy who worked for me got fitted with a new digital set a couple of years ago, but from his description of his experiences, it didn’t seem much better than the ones I had. It sounds like technology has improved even in the last two years. I’m interested in the technical details (a flaw of all engineers) of the devices you have more than the device brand itself: maybe I can scare up the cash (even with two kids still in college) for a set that is better than the VA can provide or my Blue Cross covers.
Best Regards
Thank you very much for this email. My father (around 78) is almost completely deaf — it’s impossible to converse with him and has been for over a decade. He cannot use a phone or even watch TV anymore because he cannot hear. He was always plagued with ear infections (constant swimmer’s ear) which i also am plagued with. None of his hearing aids work and they constantly break. He’s terribly cut off from everyone except for his computer. I thank God for finally getting him on the internet so he has some company and can reach out and share his thoughts. Apparently his doctor never really tells him about these new inventions. Since I have the same problems with ear infections and I also have problems with my hearing when in a crowd or when there is any extra noise. So far I’m ok at work. But it cuts me off too. It’s no fun going to parties when you cannot hear people talking to you. You end up feeling like an idiot. I’ve sent your blog to my dad. This is very timely as one of his hearing aids has broken and needs replacement. Maybe I can talk him into a doctor’s visit. Again, thank you.
Oh, man. You couldn’t be more wrong.
As they used to say; “Pinkies!”
Was just listening to Highway 61 Revisted. Swwwweet jebus. Bob is still Bob, but even more so. Listening through a set of Sennheiser studio monitors, I was bouncing off the walls at the definition. Highway 61 is a freakin’ funhouse of auditory revelation. Desolation Row takes on a wild dignity that I could never place before, but that I knew should be there.
At times I think I’m going mad. But in a really cool way.
SMSgt Mac: Please go back to the VA and let them show you what they have now. The ones I wear behind (or more properly, above) my ears can be hooked to a computer to set the volume and adjust the “Treble” and “Bass” (not their words, mine) to provide the most boost where I need it most and can be switched from omnidirectional mode to just amplifying sounds that come from in front of me. I have over 80 dB of loss at some frequencies, which is pushing the state of the art on amplification, but it won’t surprise me at all if they can provide more gain in the same package by the time I need it.
Chef Mojo, thank you for a great post. My hearing got worse gradually as I aged but replacing my last set of electronic friends with the ones I wear now gave me a little taste of what you must have experienced when you got good hearing aids after all those years of frustration.
Have you had any gains in spatial awareness?
Indeed I have. I have not watched a movie yet, interestingly enough. Not enough time.
However, there is an amazing awareness at where sounds are. The brain is amazing. I know the aids are simply tools, and that the real grunt work is being done by the brain.
There is a learning curve. The world is almost too overwhelming as I adjust, which is more than a little spooky.
For instance; you’re driving a car. Normally you’re aware of what you need to be aware of in the auditory frame of reference. Your brain tunes out certain sounds and cues that are, from experience, not required for you to drive from point A to point B.
Now, imagine a near cacophony of car and road sounds with precise spatial references. To say it’s distracting and more than frightening is to belabor the obvious in my case, especially when I’m merging onto that sonafabitch at Rt 29 and I64 east… The brain has a bit of learning to do.
Chef, make time to watch a good action movie. Anything with moving sounds. Top Gun, Terminator, any racing movie, etc.
Go for a walk in the woods, and just sit down for a half an hour. You’ll be amazed at what you hear. Most people with perfect hearing never notice it.
Also, I have to ask. Have you had rice crispies yet? Nap, crackle, pop and what not.
After 49 years on jet flight lines, kitchens and shooting of firearmes I know I’ve lost a lot a hearing in frequencies both high and low. Thanks for the nudge to not just accept this but to do something about it.
Clayton, the common wisdom is that people needed hearing aids 15 years before they get them, and can’t wait one day without them when they need to be fixed. Your description of hearing a few vowels means you’re in that category. I waited over 20 years, until I couldn’t make out all the words of someone standing front of me, face to face. People around you know long before you do. Just ask if your voice is loud, and if it’s gotten louder over the years.
I’ve had digital for nine years now, Danovox for the first two, and Resound now, though I’m planning to get new ones soon. They last for 6-8 years, but I switched to behind the ear models after two because the Danovox were set to nearly maximum power, and I couldn’t stand the screeching static. The Resound have a power reserve, and the static can be suppressed digitally.
One reason Chef got such great results other than the clarity of digital, was that he got two - we have two ears because we’re designed for stereo. When one resound went out and had to be rebuilt, just before the warranty ran out, I tried going with just one, and I honestly don’t know how people with only one aid function. I used the old Danovox as a temporary replacement, and put up with the occasional squawking rather than put up with mono.
Chef mentioned a default setting that caused a fan to fade out as he went by. That’s one of 3 settings I have, it uses two microphones to pick up sound directly in front, and programming to suppress peripheral sounds. I use it in crowded restaurants when I want to just hear the person I’m looking at. There’s another setting that turns my aid into an inductive coil for telephone use. A magnet in the phone converts the signal to sound through its tinny speaker. The setting bypasses the phone speaker and microphone and picks up the magnetic field signal and processes it directly. Without that, I can’t hear a female voice on the phone.
My advice for anyone having ANY trouble with conversation is to see an audiologist, take his/her recommendations, go digital, get two, make sure there’s a power reserve, and look into the various settings available. The 7 year old model I have isn’t good for music, but you can have it programmed now. I can use the phone setting with earphones, but for TV, the music is muffled noise, the commercials are awful, and when watching American Idol, it seems like someone actually taught a pig to sing. Ask a lot of questions, and spell out what you want and expect. And don’t waste time - you don’t know what you’re missing.