That’s what the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization would like to know. The New York group says it has 200 boys waiting for big brother volunteers. The article doesn’t give a yardstick for the shortage of male volunteers, but I found a clue elsewhere:
“We have a serious challenge facing our organization,” said Mr. Kobara, President and CEO, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Los Angeles and the Inland Empire. “For every 10 people inquiring about becoming a ‘Big Brother’ or ‘Sister,’ only three are men.
Actual participation by men may well be even less, otherwise it would have been mentioned instead of the irrelevant stat about inquiries. In any event, that’s well below the national rate for all types of volunteering. During 2006, 42% of all adult volunteers were male.
The article sets out a number of possible reasons men don’t volunteer at BB-BS in greater numbers – but the fact that the rate at BB-BS is less than the overall average for volunteer-based organizations moves me to throw out an undiscussed possibility: men are afraid of having their lives destroyed by a false accusation, and fear the BB-BS will protect itself by throwing its resources behind the accuser.
As a possible parallel, consider a trend in education below the high school level:
Two trends are converging to lower their representation in K-8 classrooms: More women are stepping up to become principals, and fewer men are becoming teachers.
In Arizona, almost 60 percent of grade school principals and nearly 90 percent of teachers are women. Six years ago, the majority of principals were men. Some schools have no men, meaning kids may not have a male teacher or principal until middle or high school. It’s the same picture nationally.
…Scottsdale’s Serna said the fear of being accused of inappropriate touching or abuse has made lots of educators uncomfortable. Many administrators and teachers leave the profession out of fear of lawsuits or false accusations.
“A man just has to be aware of his interactions and how they are perceived,” Serna said. For example, in kindergarten there is a lot more nurturing and hugging. “You have to be careful, and when you’re a man, you have to be extra careful,” Serna said.
Ten years ago, a boy accused Rose of touching him inappropriately. Rose said he was exonerated when student after student said they were there and it would have been impossible. Rose survived.
“I’m a very strong person. You have to be,” Rose said. He’s also cautious. “You’ve got to be real careful,” he said. When alone with a student, he stands by an open door or stays behind his desk.
Research conducted by MenTeach reveals three key reasons for the shortage of male teachers: low status and pay, the perception that teaching is “women’s work,” and the fear of accusation of child abuse.
…Nelson notes that the fear of accusation of abuse is another barrier to men entering the teaching profession. “I have had men tell me that they are not being hired or they can’t get an interview because people think there is something wrong with a man who wants to work with children,” Nelson says.
Yaeger acknowledges that the fear of being accused of improper conduct is something that most male teachers think about. “As a male teacher, especially in this day and age, you have to be a lot more conscious of your behavior,” he says. “It is not something I necessarily worry about all the time, but I am aware of it.”
The number of men working in primary schools in Wales has reached its lowest level in nearly 10 years.
It is thought one of the reasons for the decline could be fears about false allegations of abuse against children.
…Many in the profession have said worries about false allegations of abuse could be behind the decline.
…In April 2001, Mr Tobutt told a NASUWT conference that teachers falsely accused by pupils should be compensated by the state.
He told BBC Wales: “There are a number of colleagues up and down the country who have gone through similar experiences and they have been permanently damaged and will probably never get over such an experience.”
All of which sets the stage for an excerpt from a White Paper (PDF file) about volunteering:
Because men are not expected to volunteer in social services, those who do run the risk of having their motives questioned. This possibility has particular import in programs for children, in which the reality of child molestation is a horror worthy of extra precautions, or in programs with other vulnerable clients. At the same time, however, recent history reveals cases of purported abuse that were determined to be unfounded and came at great emotional and social expense to the accused. Although false allegations represent only 2% of child sexual abuse cases, they hurt volunteer recruitment efforts: seven percent of the participants in this research suggested that some men are reluctant to volunteer around children because they are concerned about false allegations of child abuse or being perceived as “predators.”
Managers of social service programs that work directly with vulnerable clients therefore face a special dilemma of creating safe environments for their clientele without deterring volunteers or producing a precarious legal situation for anyone involved. Initiating a background check is one means of safeguarding against criminal activity and levels the playing field for volunteers should allegations arise. Checks can, however, heighten fears of accusation by sending a message to recruits that they are “guilty until proven innocent.” Some interviewees felt comfortable working in child care. Nonetheless, for those who feared that self-knowledge alone was not enough to defend against allegations, the threat of false accusation was a deterrent. The attitude of parents or caretakers toward male volunteers can apparently intensify this dilemma.
Unfortunately, volunteer managers in children’s services will in all likelihood continue to lose potential volunteers as long as false accusation remains a viable possibility, and false accusation will undoubtedly endure as long as perpetration continues to be a reality. Nevertheless, because the challenge to recruiters of male volunteers seems not to stem from the threat of criminal activity itself—that risk always exists, with male or female volunteers—but rather the threat of false accusation, the task for program managers is to bridge the gap between the preventative measures in place and the fear that they protect only clients, not volunteers.
(By the way, I don’t accept the remark “false allegations represent only 2% of child sexual abuse cases”, any more than I’ll buy one feminist’s canard regarding the Duke case that she had never in her career come across a false accusation of rape. Check this recent piece, which cites studies indicating the rate of false rape reports runs as high as 60%. I’m arguing the not-improbable positon that men have noticed this sort of thing, and take it into account.)
Perhaps men are merely acting rationally. They’ve assessed the risk of volunteering to work with children, and want no part of it. If so, that’s why BB-BS rates of male participation are well below national averages, which include volunteering that doesn’t involve children. Men have been reading the newspapers for the last 30 years, and don’t want to end up like Gerald Amirault, who served 18 years in prison following a child abuse witch hunt in Massachusetts, or like Grant Snowden, the Miami police officer who served 12 years behind bars as Janet Reno’s stepping stone to national office. They’re aware of cases like that of teacher Mark Fronczak, who was arrested, tried and found innocent, but “Besides his career, Fronczak lost his house and life savings during the ordeal. He voluntarily gave up custody of his two teenage sons to his ex-wife after his arrest. … “My life as I know it has been ruined,” he said. Fronczak would have been imprisoned for life if convicted.”
Further, when an accusation happens, men may worry BB-BS will react the way Duke University’s president, Board of Governors and faculty did despite the extreme improbability of the allegations against the three student victims.
Let me take this theme further by suggesting it might also help explain our low rate of marriage. There’s much loose talk in the popular literature about atmospherics such as today’s lack of commitment, but consider the possibility that men are refusing to marry women because the risks are too great.
Men have become broadly aware that they can be arrested and thrown out of their own homes on hearsay, and that their chances of prevailing in a child custody battle are small. With the presumption and the weight of the political bureaucracy against them, men have made what amounts to an economic decision to avoid situations that expose them to loss and ruin.
So BB-BS can run all the slick recruitment campaigns they want to, and chatter ‘til the cows come home about how women are more nurturing. But if they ever decide to sit a roomful of prospective volunteer men down and have a frank presentation about concerns surrounding the potential for false accusations, don’t be standing in front of the door. That’s presuming they can gather a roomful, which in an age of searchable, internet-piped information is perhaps becoming demonstrably harder to do.
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100% agreement. After your first paragraph, my first thought was about false accusations. (2% false? Yah, right.)
Another reason for male teachers getting out of the public schools is, the female-dominated public school systems have become henhouses. Or whatever the current term is. I’ve heard current and recently-out male teachers mention the gossip and politicking as a definite reason to leave. (This is anecdotal only, and I don’t know how it compares to the environment a few decades ago.)
On a related note to the BB volunteers issue, I frequently help kids (elementary through college age) with math or history or other schoolwork. But a handful of teenage girls who would like help don’t get it because their mothers give me the evil eye whenever their daughters are near me. Sorry, kid, you’re on your own because your mother’s a witch.
I’ve been looking at a career change, from 20+ years as a degreed designer/drafter, needing only the foreign language reqt to get my B.A. in History, and then getting an M.A. or Ph.D in the field and going into teaching.
The risks lastango noted are very real.
There’s another factor that comes into play, namely that despite the expressed interest in bringing more men into the field, the on the ground reality is completely different.
Before I got my current contract position, which is low paying for the field and rather boring, I took a local(Central New York) substitute teacher certification program. The staff at the Center were very enthusiastic about my participation, for I was the only “straight” male taking the class, out of about 25.
I was sent to the local High School for teacher shadowing for a few days. Both teachers were very good, although the female math teacher was very discouraging from the start(Having found out that her breast cancer had returned the day before didn’t help), telling the students that they should report any inappropriate behavior from me.
The shop teacher, male, was friendly, especially since I’m more current in CAD than he is. But he warned me against going into teaching as well, noting that when he retires, the district is dropping the shop class because of “being too male oriented”. Never mind that roughly half the class was female, and obviously enjoying working with their hands. Some of the students had scored well(for the area) on the SATs and were going to decent colleges.
I asked him what was going to replace shop, and he replied that they were going to teach more multi-cultural studies.
After completing the certification, I registered with a few local districts that are chronically short of subs. I was interviewed by the principals at several schools, but didn’t sub even once, despite strong recommendations from my former professors at the college.
One of them, dept chair, finally asked one of her principal friends why I couldn’t get a sub position?
The reason was simple: high liability and faculty hostility to male subs, even though the district is always very short staffed.
Even the local Literacy Volunteers office told me that they prefer not to train male reading tutors because of liability/sexual harassment issues, with the woman telling me that all men are potential harassers if not worse. My wife of almost thirty years was with me and just laughed at the idea of my sexually harassing anyone.
I’m still going for the advanced dgerees while staying at this contract job, and would like to get into teaching, but maybe I’ll focus more on military/political analysis and less on teaching.
I perform volunteer work, but at a local animal shelter, where the dogs and cats love the extra attention.
Sorry about the length, but this is a sore subject for me.
Working with the animal shelter near my employer’s place was fun, in part because there weren’t the hangups so common in the public schools. I did most of my volunteer work on weekends, and there were usually a lot of kids around helping clean the cages and the like. girls and boys, ranging from about 12 to 18, along with some parents and others. No hassles about harassment, just taking care of the animals.
I worked at this one for a while until my employer found out; even though I’m only a contractor, they objected to my volunteering at an animal shelter. When I asked where I could volunteer, I was told that any AIDS outreach or homeless shelter was permissible. So I stopped volunteering in the client’s community, and only do it back home(still a violation, but WTF)
No apologies necessary, Don. Very interesting. As a dog lover, I’m intrigued: Why would your employer refuse to let you volunteer at an animal shelter? And how does your employer manage to dictate what you do in your non-work hours?
Three words: “Employment at Will”. Not that I’m complaining - free market at all that.
My current situation is actually worse than that. I’m not even an employee, but a self-employed contractor. The department head at the current contract site (IT dept, NYS Dept of Transportation) has an “unofficial policy” that contractors aren’t supposed to have any outside work. “Unofficial” because it would never stand up to a legal challenge, and unwritten because the director is a weasel. But he can enforce it because NY puts into all of its IT warm-body contracts that the state can terminate on no notice without cause. (The contractors are stuck there for the duration of the contract, with fairly heavy penalties for not sticking out the duration. The state can get away with that because they are the overwhelmingly dominant employer in the area. Also because their hourly rate is better than most private businesses can pay.) This all would probably bug me if I actually wanted to finish this contact, but in fact would be delighted if I were told not to go in Monday.
great analysis all around and right on point.
I think there is another issue. the fact that most of your typical volunteers are relatively high income women and their husbands are doing most of the earning. middle and low income men and women are out making enough money to live off while high income men are supporting their wives, allowing them to wander off volunteering at stuff. this hasn’t changed in 100 years. rich white women who don’t have to make a living are volunteering in much higher numbers than the rest of us.
I’d like anyone to look at this list of female teachers who have sexually molested their students and then tell about what a danger men are. And this is only a partial list through May 11, 2007:
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53859
Sure, Neal, but only female students are traumatized by such interactions. Males are such unfeeling brutes even at puberty that they suffer no trauma from similar situations.
It occurs that it’s time to start issuing insurance against the huge financial fallout from false rape, molestation and abuse accusations, inside or outside of home. The more or less rational calculations in hard cash by the insurance companies will have the side effect of encouraging people in general to think carefully about convulsive anti-male policies and the large costs they impose on society, not to mention on various and many innocent males.
In a more narrow way, it also occurs that if more and more males are afraid to volunteer, necessarily the percentage of all volunteers who actually are molesters and pedophiles will start at some point to rise sharply, which will start a vicious cycle, as more and more decent males shy away from the sharply increased association of male volunteers in sensitive positions with perverts.
If you thought today’s environment was bad, you haven’t seen anything yet. It’s fascinating in a sick, sad way to contemplate the sort of paranoid, extremely litigious society that will result from all of this.
I can definitely confirm that, at least for me, they’ve hit the nail on the head. Growing up, I was involved in Scouting for quite a few years. And I’d love to be involved today. But as a single guy who’s never been married and in his 30s, the risk is just too great. So occasionally they get monetary gifts and that’s it.
Try substituting “medical malpractice”: Does it make you any less confident in your prediction?
Skip,
I’d just find a troop and get involved. We have more than a few guys like you with our troop. The BSA has a quite cumbersome set of rules to try and protect against abuse. It’s a pain sometimes but it does seem to work.
My other comment is that scouting has well defined processes to avoid the mess. It’s a big part of the adult leader training. And it does seem to work both ways…
Another issue in the erosion of marrage are the repeated court cases in which men have been made responsible for raising or supporting children they did not actually father. There have been several cases now where DNA testing has revealed that wives have had children that were not fathered by their husbands, after which the courts have forced the husbands to pay child support to the wife until the kids are eighteen. This is done “for the sake of the children.”
As a social instution marrage is traditionally designed to protect the interests of both parties equally–the man has exclusive access to the woman’s reproductive ability, the woman has exculsive access to the man’s resources and protection. Thus they raise their children together with mutual interests aligned. These cases make it clear that such is no longer the case. Since, from the man’s point of view, the contract of marrage is no longer enforacble there’s less incentive to marry and more to just sleep around and roll the dice on child support. Such a policy will only foster distain towards marrage and greater violence towards women and children (as men take the path of revenge rather than the courts). It also encourages distain for the concept of social order in general–it comes to be seen as just another con job by the Man.
I completely agree with what Skip said. Scouting, BB&S…
I and my brother were raised by a single mother - our parents separated when I was 4 years old. My brother and I each had “Big Brothers” through this program back in the early ’80s and there was nothing creepy about it - my “Big Brother” spent a lot of outdoors time with me and taught me how a fly rod works as opposed to just bottom fishing. I enjoyed the time, and in hindsight think it was a pretty neat program.
I’ve considered volunteering for the same to give back in the past couple of years, but there is still a lingering impression that if you’ve not been married or at least divorced by the time you reach the 30’s - there must be something wrong. The risk in today’s environment is way too high.
I would like to voluteer to help Boy Scouts, Big Brothers or any organization requiring assistance. But as stated I don’t want to risk having my life ruined.
I won’t stop and help a lady change her tire either. Just my luck, she would take my intentions the wrong way and next thing I know, I am in the slammer.
I just can’t risk it.
Big Brother was always on our donation list until a few years back. That’s when they decided to allow out-of-the-closet homosexuals to become Big Brothers. I called them up for an explaination and they gave me this PC crappola.
If I was a mom who wanted a male influence in my young son’s life my 1st choice would not be a homosexual.
Maybe the actions of Big Brother have more to do with their failures than what is presented.
False accusations at 2%? Hummm….I volunteered at a kindergarten about 10 years ago….one of the little boys there accused the female teacher of sexual abuse, and his mother bought it.
Never mind that I was there the whole time, as was the rest of his class. Granted the teacher did grab his hand to get him under control (is that what constitutes as sexual abuse these days?)
I know the teacher in question got a talking to from the principal. What a mess.
This is an outstanding article because it touches on an element in the current politic that eats away at the base values of things: between the way I grew up and the world I have grown into.
I am a white male, 36, from a midwestern subburb and reared to believe that giving of one’s time for greater causes was just something you did. Nothing “Saintly” ya know- but generous, and genuinely helpful. The way my father was, and his.
Now, as I am MOST CERTAIN I am not alone, there is no way in HELL I would volunteer my time to any cause involving children, particularly of mixed race.
Risk what I have been able to make of myself in this culture and society - and I mean risk losing it ALL- and much worse- FOR WHAT AGAIN?
I don’t think so. My mother might have raised an occasional volunteer who genuinely looks to help, but she didn’t raise a fool. That’s what one may have to be to offer so much in the world of such a gamble. I HATE TO SAY THAT, really, but damn if it isn’t true.
GREAT great read, addressing once again yet another elephant in what’s become ‘the incredibly crowded living room of the modern politic’. Every time I read something like this it helps just to know that I’m not alone in this… this fear of doing what I was brought up to feel right doing.
Chip
Comment on Where Are The Big Brothers:
I am a criminal defense attorney. First, I am convinced that the number of false accusations of sexual misconduct greatly exceeds 2 percent. Second, if a false accusation is given the credence of a grand jury indictment–and about 99 percent of all requests for an indictment are granted by grand juries without any independent thought at all because they truly consider themselves an arm of the prosecution–you cannot go to trial. The sentencing structure for this type of crime is intended to be so harsh and the judge’s ability to mitigate a sentence is so restricted that it is utterly insane to put your fate in the hands of a jury, who, after all, begin with the assumption that if it wasn’t true the child wouldn’t have said it. Bottom line: with very rare exception the only rational decision is to plea to a lesser felony and hope for probation and registration as a sex offender. Third, even if you are not prosecuted, you become a pariah.
The bottom line: Stay away from other people’s children.
Carolynn, get back to me when that female teacher was charged with multiple felonies, summarily dismissed from her job, and slapped with a restraining order keeping her away from all children, including her own.
“a talking to from the principal”…Jeez.
When the kids were young enough to require a baby-sitter I had a personal policy of never driving the babysitter home afterwards. I always had my wife do it.
At first I did wonder if it was a bit of an overreaction on my part. But over time, whenever we would be with another group of people in some sort of gathering and the subject would come up I found out that there was at least a couple of other men in the group that had the same self-imposed policy.
major dad loves baseball. He’s wonderful with kids. Ebola’s grown and long gone, but major dad still loves baseball, so I say “Honey! Coach Little League, for God’s sake! Help some other little guy love baseball.” His disgusted response? “I’m not paying $50 for a background check to help out at Little League.”
And if he paid it, coached and then benched the little superstar whose dad thinks he’s Ken Griffey Jr.? (because you don’t hustle, you don’t play for major dad) Lawsuit, punches thrown, allegations. Today’s parents are a pitiful collection of wanna bees and wish they weres.
And that’s just the sports types.
Once you are labeled a predator it is now for life.
Stuff like that can ruin your day.
Why not issue insurance against stampedes of pink unicorns while you’re at it?
I am also interested, Don, as to why an employer would object to you volunteering in an animal shelter.
My dad was a pastor.(now retired) and people came to him for counsel. He would counsel with men or couples on his own, but if a women asked if he would counsel her, he told her that he and his wife (my mother) would see her together. This was always fine as my mother was well liked,empathetic and did not gossip….also, the people in the church were of good will,and the odds of a false accusation were slim to nil,but my dad wasnt going to take the chance.
I volunteer at the local community theatre, working backstage on plays. One of the people I know from there is a gifted actor who has won awards for his performances. He also teaches acting classes at the theatre; I took an audition workshop from him, and was cast in the next play I tried out for. He’s very well thought of by everyone there.
His day job is teaching drama at a local high school. Or rather, that was his day job. He was fired last week. He make the mistake of giving a student a ride home from school, and she claimed that he touched her inappropriately. He was immediately terminated. No investigation, no hearing, just instant dismissal. Accusation = guilt.
I do not believe that this would ever happen to a female teacher. But men are automatically presumed to be sexual predators, especially in a female-dominated environment like a public school.
My one son was at the end of the year junior, and VP of the NEA club, when on a teaching assignment a women teacher who was not in his classroom heard some special ed student discussing a statement my son had made, which they had incorrectly interpreted. She went to the college behind his back and reported his supposed non-PC statement. When the college confronted him, he angrily decided to change his major and refused to change his mind. This was a young man who wanted to go back to his middle school and give a positive male image to those who didn’t have supportive fathers. Something he had seen with his classmates and wanted to do something about it.
I have volunteered during my 4 children’s public school education and in the later years have had concerns about being alone with young women. But my main problem has been the attitudes of the young people and their lack of self discipline. To make it worse, too many parents and teachers will not strongly support one who believes and enforces civil behavior. I finally had it and stopped being involved in my children’s education as a volunteer. My wife wanted me to substitute teach when I retired; I said, only half in jest, I would do so only if the laws for manslaughter were changed.
What’s beyond me is why anyone would have the slightest desire to do volunteer work for a society that is at once ignorant and vain, sullen and suspicious, yet dishonest and punitive.
To expand on what Brett just wrote, why would any working person volunteer when he’s already being taxed to provide those services anyway. Why should I give money to someone who lost his job? I’m paying unemployment premiums even though I won’t collect on them. Why should I give money to a hungry person? My taxes are going to food stamps and other benefits. Why should I lift a finger help the mentally challenged? I’m already paying the public school teachers’ salaries.
By the way, LT, it seems you’ve struck a sore spot. Did you intend to whack this hornet nest, or was that just fortuitous?
I suppose you can call it “volunteer work”, thought the govt doesn’t see it as such - I teach a junior archery program once a week.
It can be somewhat scary, one never knows what “touch” is going to be inappropriate. A large part of the official sanctioning bodies certification programs deal with lawsuits and what is appropriate and not appropriate. Amusingly enough, they recommend using an arrow in place of your fingers (use the nock end, not the pointy end) - I got news for them, if they are going to scream “molestation” and it is false it is irrelevant what you do - one can easily use an arrow for molestation. At the least, the certifications also carry some level of insurance against lawsuits along with more weight in a court setting.
I have some VERY young children shoot - as young as five. We usually have a session that is about 20 minutes indoors and then 30 minutes outdoors (the outdoor course covers about 3 or 4 acres through the woods), though if kids want to stay longer I do. Because of the size of the outdoor course many of the parents stay inside. Sometimes the really young ones do things that put me in a VERY bad position - I had one of the smaller girls (watched by her older brother) have a “bathroom emergency” - I still do not know the appropriate response to a five year old female runs 5 feet off the trail, pulling her clothes off, and relieves herself. Do you ignore and herd the rest of the kids away, stop it, cover her, or what?
My general attitude now is that, as an adult, I know what is appropriate and what isn’t as far as touching and I work accordingly. Further, being a kinda Obsessive Compulsive geek I detest physical contact with other people (so I avoid contact anyway). If they are going to falsely accuse then it doesn’t matter what I do, what I have to avoid is accidental touching that I feel is OK and the kid feels is bad. That is pretty much entirely fixed by telling them what I am going to do and make sure they feel it is OK, most kids are used to that nowadays and do not look at you strange.
The next line of “defense” is to always have at least one parent around, preferably more than one - I then have witnesses. It also alleviates the above outdoor bathroom condition, everyone knows I had nothing to do with it. I also now require kids under 8 have their parent along (so far, that has seemed to be a good cut off).
After that - you can not have a 100% shield against false lawsuits, given they are “false” you can not do anything to stop them. You can just do everything in your power to stop them and if they happen have overwhelming evidence that you did nothing. So overwhelming that hopefully you can file a reverse lawsuit against the accuser - though that is much harder to do.
This article is dead on. I happen to know two former teachers who were accused of misconduct. I truly believe both of them are innocent. One of them was forced out of teaching and the other is serving 10 years in prison.
As a single, childless man in his 30s I have made a very deliberate decision to avoid being around minors whenever I can and to never allow myself to be in a room alone with a minor. I made this decision after staying at a friend’s house for a couple days. Once I was playing a video game with his son and I noticed the mother kept checking in on us every few minutes. The feminists really have created an environment where every male is looked on suspiciously. Its sad and shameful, and young people will pay a price for growing up in a world where they are shunned by men.
Of course this is true, and it’s exactly why I myself would never consider volunteering to work with kids. A lot of people would assume I’m some kind of pervert anyway, since I’m guilty of being 41 and still single — imagine if I were also making an attempt to be around their kids.
For that matter I pretty much try to ignore the little bastards. A few times in public I’ve found myself smiling at some cute little rugrat’s antics, then looked up to see their parent glaring at me like I was Ted Bundy. Who needs the grief?
My brother is a high school swim coach and a darn good one, and has managed to coach girls’ teams without incident. But he has several rules: he must have a female assistant coach, he won’t talk to anyone without at least two other swimmers or the assistant coach present, and all communication off the pool deck is logged or done through email and archived. He’s taken his girls to the state championships for several years now, and while the occasional “incident” comes up, he has managed to avoid trouble so far.
The reasons that I was barred from working at the animal shelter were that the company is very PC, despite being an old industrial firm; contractors are neccessary but despised for our much higher pay; a disdain for animals by my immediate supervisor, whose personal skills were apparently honed at the ol’ Hanoi Hilton; corporate gives to trendy causes only; and the local shelter broke off ties with a few of the national organizations in order to better serve the community.
Steve F has it exactly right: Employment at Will. My first 6 months at the company were through an agency, but I was offered a raise to go direct as a contractor, saving the client money. But now, I have to go along with their games, which is why I rarely comment from work. It’s not all bad; I work four 10 hour days and can volunteer to walk the big dogs on Friday while my wife works.
I tried to volunteer while in college with an inner city youth group that had advertised a desparate need for Big Brother types, but I was turned off by the nearly 20 page form, that in some respects was more intrusive than when I went for my clearance two years earlier. 95% was related to “personal sexual conduct issues”. I dropped the idea, and the facility closed a year or two later because of a lack of volunteers.
Yesterday at the shelter I talked with another dog walker, who told me that he stoppped volunteering at the local food kitchen after being told that he and the other male volunteers would have to take a 2 day class on sexual harassment, during the work week. Losing two days of vacation time was NOT his idea of a good time…
At the local shelter, we merely sign a statement saying that if you harass someone, you’ll be terminated. They have connections with PETA, but my concern is for the animals. I’ve been volunteering at the shelter, or others near my then employment, for almost a quarter century.
The church that my wife attends is Fundy Plus, but the local one has basically banned males fom volunteering. Years ago I used to give classes in model rocketry and air-brush painting, but the new pastor had a false accusation of “inappropriate touching” filed against him. He ended programs like this, even though the kids enjoyed it, boys and girls alike, and we had a nice outreach into the neighborhood.
In regards to the original topic, the paranoids are the realists-THEY are out to get you! At least that’s the way it seems nowadays
As someone with two grown daughters, who became a Big Brother in my early 40s, let me tell you why I will no longer volunteer.
Number one, you fill out a form upon acceptance verifying you’re no member of NAMBLA and the like. Then they put you thru the ringer about you being white, your little brother being black. I told them it made no difference to me - they weren’t so sure. The BB is supposed to match you with a child of like interest. The organization in my town could not have done a worse job of matching our interests.
Number two, and the real reason I will no longer volunteer. The mother. One night, after a few months of diligently showing up each Thursday night and never missing, I finally convinced my little bro that we should do something different from the usual video arcades, laser quest, and movies. We went bowling. I asked the mother if I had him home by 8:30 - 9:00 would it be okay. She agree. As a home health care provider, she was in her apartment most of the time working what appeared to be a perfectly miserable job.
We got done early with bowling and I convinced little bro to go down to the river. It was cold and there was ice on the ground. We proceeded to slide on our rears down the hill for about 30 minutes and I took him home. We arrived at his house about 8:55.
Mom met me at the door and proceeded to chew my ass for about 10 minutes as to how unfair it was for me to be late and how “whether it appears or not, I have to work for a living!” She provided a luke warm apology the next week.
After that, it was never the same. I kept picking him up weekly for about two months but we never clicked again. I walked in and told BB I would no longer do it.
Though I feel sorry for the kid and did abandoned him probably making a bad situation worse, I could not overcome an overbearing, man-hating woman. I have no guilty feelings about trying to help.
Steve F asked: “To expand on what Brett just wrote, why would any working person volunteer when he’s already being taxed to provide those services anyway. Why should I give money to someone who lost his job?”
Because it is part of our nature as Americans? We have been a generous people over the years, to both those Americans less fortunate and to foreigners. In part, although I’m an atheist, because of the Biblical teachings to help one another?
The satisfaction of doing something for someone else for no personal gain; the expression on a big shelter dog’s face after a good run in the rain, both of us panting; the contented purring of a cat after you’ve played with him/her for a while(wishing that you could bring them all home).
I volunteer in part despite the fact that I pay a lot in taxes because it’s the right thing to do, just as my dad stills gives blood even though he’s in his early eighties and drives very little, and he doesn’t care for all the Red Cross does.
Maybe it boils down to what my wife says. Love, for people, animals and community.
Growing up as an introverted type of individual that was ill-understood by adults and by my peers offered me a chance to see some of what was going on around me during beginning of the PC-era. One of my peers, male, had a mother who had been trying to arrange for an ‘incident’ at school so she could sue the school district. My peer did not like that, but he was a minor and just ensured that things never got to that point from his end.
I have always admired teachers, but it became obvious that the teaching profession was moving from an even-basis vocation to one that was female oriented. Talking with some teachers of varying length of time teaching allowed me to see the changes in what was needed to teach. The heavy move to psycho-social based instruction and away from actual teaching the facts and what they mean was evident, even in the early 1980’s. Teachers were becoming insular and isolated from the societies they were teaching in and wanted to ‘change the world by changing the children’. Apparently males want to ensure continuity of society and have been slowly disabused of this notion that holding objective standards is a *good thing*.
Third, when actually examining career potentials, I have heard by many, many individuals that I explain things well and should consider teaching. I enjoy the sciences, of all sorts, but when looking at what was required to become a teacher I realized that understanding the basis and foundation of science was no longer a prerequisite for teaching same. Getting a ‘teaching certificate’ meant course work that, to me, had little to do with teaching and much to do with indoctrination and wearing away at individuality of method to get complicity with teaching doctrine. For all of that some of my best teachers had been ones that came in before the ‘touchy-feely’ era of teaching and demonstrated how their *subjects* resonated with them as an individual. Not as a ‘teaching unit in the classroom’.
Fourth, and worse to all involved, is that I have little interest in children as ‘children’. I do my best to approach everyone equally and fairly, regardless of age, and then try to judge individuals by outlook. That has meant, of course, that children like and respect me because I show them that same ability. I do adjust for ‘mental age’, which means that I have had lovely and complex views of the world from children, and have to talk to imbeciles as bosses.
Knowing these things, some of those who were peers in school always asked when I would have children. My reply was: “I am leaving that up to those that are motivated and dedicated to that. I am not one of them and know that is a basic reflection of who I am.”
None of that removed my deepest desire to give back to my Nation what little time and skills I had in life. Health would make some of my choices limited. That also limited my actual time to take care of someone else. I have watched the spread of this *societal change* that was started by bright, young teachers who wanted to change the world… not teach the basics of what it is and how to deal with it. I have seen the movement from self-reliance and responsibility to one of ‘how can I get as much as possible from others with little effort on my part’ as a mental construct. That has come from not teaching what it means to be responsible for oneself, but to lay that on societal institutions that are not made to deal with that.
I was advised by a financial advisor to get ‘umbrella insurance’ against harassment lawsuits and such. It limits my liability to a small degree. Socially I was never very outgoing and, in fact, being outgoing is a horrible energy drain to me. This society has changed from one of ‘live and let live’ to ‘how do I get mine?’, and that means self-reliance depends on *defensive* attitude towards a society that no longer places value on men nor even on individuals having responsibility for their actions. That ‘changed generation’ that does not know how to teach self-respect, self-reliance, and taking care of one’s own business because one is in control of one’s actions now yields bitter fruit of males being given blankent indictment because a minority of men are the worst offenders in society, and the children of that generation now knowing no boundaries for social behavior and working with common culture.
I refuse to be an instant ’suspect’ because of my gender, my race, my views on life and trying to find my own way through life. That is prejudice against individuals based on that ‘changed generation’ and its outlook. Even now that I am no longer able to work, have much of a life, or even walk a short distance due to my health, if I had all of that back I would not try to volunteer to help the culture that makes Big Brother & Big Sister *necessary*. And that I place blame for squarely on those that want to change society via the schools. That is the outcome of that viewpoint, and I detest it, no matter how sweet the motives were and are the acid that is destroying the fabric of society is still being sweetly applied.
That has not and will not get my support.
DonP, my “Why should I…” questions were bitterly cynical societal observations, not real questions.
We’ve established that smart men will avoid any social interaction with children, as their liberty is at risk. I eagerly await part two of this conundrum: the fact that during this age of equal opportunity, men cannot avoid working with women while unrestrained sexual harassment doctrine has at best turned most workplaces into risky hostile environments for them..
Big Brothers is a joke. I tried to volunteer with them. I went to the indoctrination classes, I filled out the forms, I paid for the background check, disavowed NAMBLA, etc. Finally, there was one last interview where I was asked a lot of suspiciously political questions. “What do you think of welfare?” “Who do you think should get food stamps?”
It was all designed to expose my political views, without explicity asking about them. As soon as they figured out that I was conservative, the interview was over.
I was later informed that I wouldn’t be accepted as a Big Brother. Why? Was there something wrong? No, we just don’t feel like you’re a good fit for our organization.
As far as Big Brothers is concerned a conservative is a danger to a child. God knows how many volunteers they turn down. I should have raised a stink of some kind, but I was so disgusted that I didn’t want to have to deal with them any more.
This experience was in Austin, Tx, in the late 1990’s. It’s possible that this reflected local mismanagement. It wouldn’t surprise me if it didn’t, though.
The answer at our church (which means we can still have men volunteer, and moreover not have the parents worrying) has been to go to a standard “two-deep” (ala the BSA) policy: any male working with children under 12 must be accompanied by his wife or another man. And over the next few years they’re installing windows in all the classroom doors.
We also no longer allow children under 12 to leave a room and wander the halls alone, though — again it seems to come down to not wanting parents to worry.
Also, because we’re a top-down hierarchal sort of organization, people don’t really volunteer so much as get told they’ve got a new responsibility. You obviously can still say “no” to the invitation, and meanwhile, everyone comes into the situation knowing they, individually, are wanted there.
1. I’m a teacher. Community College.
2. I *wanted* to go middle school.
No way. That’s volunteering to work in an environment where two-thirds of the faculty thinks you’re the enemy simply because you have a Y chromosome. CC is more relaxed, but I still have to be exceedingly careful if a student wants to give me a hug… and just like working in the corporate world, it’s simply understood that at no point should I ever touch anybody else, for any reason short of CPR. The gals, of course, can do anything they want.
Similarly, why on earth should I volunteer for anybody with an a priori assumption that I’m one of the bad guys?
It’s real simple: keep abusing guys, and guys will drop out in order to take care of their own.
My Brother has just become a teacher & for him it was the femine focus throughout the required schooling & certification. Now that he is working, the district is pushing him more towards an administrative role vs. a teaching role.
As far as the false rape reports another striking concern are the false reports of domestic abuse. I have several friends that are bail bondsmen & they all say the 2nd most common bond they issue is for guys that are falsely accused of domestic abuse & are held, w/o question because they are male. Generally it costs the man about $2000, a night oir 2 in jail & stays on his record.
Let me tell you. I had been approached by BB&BS to teach a programming course as a summer program. My employer even encouraged it. So I requested the volunteers packet. Here’s what they wanted:
* SS #
* DL #
* Background check.
* Drug Test.
* Then this little little ditty - My signing my rights away to sue if they or their assigns use any of the aforementioned data against me or in ways not agreed to. (Like say identity theft.)
Now I can understand why the first 4 items. We don’t want sex offenders near the kids and how else are they going to know unless they have the data? But the last bit. If an organization is not wiling to stand behind the integrity of owing up to mistakes then I want no part of it.
I went into my VP’s office and pointed this out to him and said I could not take the risk. He agreed. He called up BB&BS and told them he could not in good faith initiate any further volunteer work on the basis of the documentation before him.
So I am a prime example of not willing to take on an open ended risk factor. BB&BS can go pound sand. Which is sad because I am sure they do good work.
PMain, you are right about the fake domestic abuse claims.
In one case I saw first-hand, my martial arts instructor’s wife claimed he’d beaten her and tried to kill her because he put his hand on her shoulder during an argument. He was arrested solely on the claims of a a woman with a history of mental problems, despite his clean record, because the police “had to”. Aside from that BS, they hammered him extra hard because of his lethal skills and the stated attempt at killed her. Now, I have a third-degree black belt (in Wing Chun, a combative style) and can deadlift almost 800 pounds. He’s my instructor and is stronger than I. If he’d tried to kill her, her sofa-sized ass would be in a piano case six feet under.
Also, as a part-time, one-time bounty hunter, I’ve heard about the guys caught in the system. The system usually landed extra hard on them, because they didn’t have years of experience in working it. I’m glad I never had to go bring one of them in; it would have been very tough, deciding between my paycheck and a wrongfully accused man.
Rob #42
Sorry about your bad experience, but I’ve had exactly the opposite experience 180 miles north, here in Fort Worth. No questions at all about politics, just the stuff that matters, plus a background check. Since the mid 90’s I’ve had 3 “littles”; one is now in college & doing great after a 10-year match.
The need is so great, I hate to see people get scared away. I believe the media amplification of bad cases distorts people’s perception of the risks, which are actually very small.
My current match, Kyle, has never known his dad. His mother, though she lives within two miles, seems to have little desire have anything to do with him. His grandparents are making a heroic effort to raise him (God bless them - they’re great), but it’s gotta be tough to walk around every day knowing your own parents don’t think you’re worth their time. If there’s a small risk my life will be ruined by a false accusation, so be it; there’s a very real risk Kyle’s life will suck if somebody doesn’t step up and help.
This reminds me of the plight of women under the Taliban. Segregated into their own little world, unable to see doctors, kept out of schools, never permitted to interact with anyone other than a similarly uneducated woman. How long until someone proposes making men wear burqas, lest someone should be offended by their maleness?
People who scream “sexism” should be pointing at this when they do so. Sadly, they just point to meaningless statistics about equal pay.
Regarding the false domestic violence claims. I managed an apartment house about 4 years ago. There was a domestic violence dispute. The police came and arrested the man. What was the proff that it had taken place? She had bruises on her wrists where he had grab her when she was trying to hit him with a fryiing pan. I had to laugh, but I evicted them anyway.
Regarding Volunteering: Ironically the one place I felt the safest to volunteer was at a women’s shelter. At first I thought I was under constant surveillance because the management did not trust a male in their shelter, later I had the distinct impression, that the management didn’t trust their residents and were watching for my protection. It is a strange society we live in.
Actually, the management looks down their collective noses at the residents. Management is Helping The Less Fortunate. They don’t like them, trust them and barely are civil to them. They are doing Their Good Deed. They do not think the residents are really human. I have an extreme dislike for such people.
Has anyone commented on the preponderance of TV crime dramas that state, “Pedophiles often take jobs or volunteer in places where they have access to children.”?
I volunteer as a coach in a church basketball league. My preferred age group is 3-4 grade girls. (Girls usually do not think they are ready for the NBA when they sink three baskets in a row.) I have had to be exceedingly carfull even in a group, even when the parents are present, (We have a rule that at least one parent or guardian for each girl must be present at all times.) and even when demonstraiting something as simple and srtaightforward as a screen/pick.
The fear of false accusations as explanation for decreased supply of males in childcare / teaching related professions is an interesting hypothesis. Many of the anecdotes told in the original piece and in the comments are compelling. I was wondering if you know of any good research on this topic. For example, something backed-up by reasonably reliable survey data?
Big Brothers and Big Sisters discriminates against those with a history of mental issues, even if they have been resolved, treated, in therapy, and have never had any criminal record or history of violence. It is sad and bigoted that in this day and age, there is still such a stigma against this.
I’ve heard these stories about men being falsely accused of sexual abuse, rape, spousal abuse, etc. many times before - both on-line and even in person from people I know who have first or second hand experience with the subject. Something I seldom hear from any of the people talking is anything that even approaches a solution. Feminists have worked hard to ensure that law enforcement and the court system are heavily biased against men when those men are accused of anything that could be construed as violence against women or sexual misconduct. I literally do not believe that it is possible for a man to get fair treatment from the system in such cases. I do not believe a man is likely to be fairly treated by the police if he’s been accused of such a crime nor do I believe he is likely to get a fair trial.
I don’t believe that we, as men, should continue to support a system that is so strongly biased against us for no other reason than that we are men. I think we should stop supporting the system by practicing jury nullification. Jury nullification is an important concept and you should familiarize yourself with it if you haven’t heard of it before. Basically, when you’re on a jury you can vote your conscience. You don’t have to explain to anyone why you voted to acquit or convict, not even to the judge. So if you think the law or the court is wrong, you can vote to acquit someone even if the judge gives you instructions to convict someone due to technical legal guilt. You don’t have to explain or justify your decision to anyone and there is nothing they can do to you. When you’re on the jury, you have the power to decide not just the guilt or innocence of the accused - but also the rightness or wrongness of the laws and court system itself. We should use that power.
The way I see us using jury nullification is like this: If you’re ever on a jury and you’re deciding a case for a man who has been accused of one of these crimes, just remember that he almost certainly didn’t get fair treatment or a fair trial and just vote not to convict on that basis. So long as the legal system is biased against men in these areas, we should - as men - do everything in our power to strip it of its power to affect the lives of men. So long as our legal system operates under misandrist feminist assumptions regarding men accused of sex crimes or crimes against women, we shouldn’t convict a single man of any of these crimes. Maybe when the prosecutors stop getting convictions and feminists realize that their man bashing has blown up in their faces things will start to change. Nothing will change so long as we continue to support a system that treats us like criminals and predators by default.